So...

A lot has happened since my conference tour. I graduated from my Master's program at Geneva. I got to work at camp for a month, and what else? Oh yeah, I got a job at Gordon where I did my undergrad and I moved up a couple of days ago. I haven't blogged in a while because to be honest, I was frustrated with my job search. I had started applying for jobs back in December. I applied for over 50 jobs. After all of that work I had nothing to report. The whole job process was very humbling and a reality check for me and forced me to trust God. Out of the 50 jobs I applied for the only places I got on campus interviews were at 2 Christin Institutions. So God was making it clear that it wasn't time to leave Christian Higher Education.

So I'm back on the North Shore which has been really good so far. I've reconnected with a lot of college friends, and I'm slowly getting settled in. I'm very excited for my new job at Gordon. I will be directing a scholarship program for Urban City students, and will be advising minority students as well. I really don't know what my day to day will look like, but I'm actually not that intimidated by it, because I honestly feel this is where I'm suppose to be, and this is what God wants me to be doing.

Conferences, Conferences Everywhere

Wow, I feel like I've been around the world and back for the last couple of months. I usually love conferences and take a lot from them, but I can officially say that I am conferenced-out for the year.

In February I got to attend the Jubilee Conference for the second time. It's amazing to see the different connections from Christian Colleges and Camp that intertwine there. It's also amazing that I can never get a good nights rest at Jubilee ever. The concept that stuck out this year was a couple of speakers who spoke on the concept of "veneer". Veneer is wood paneling or flooring that you can get which looks like really good quality wood on the outside but on the inside it's just compressed cheap wood (Pretty much anything from Ikea). This concept is suppose to challenge us in how we carry ourselves and what we present to the world. Is it genuine? Are you being transparent and showing people your real self and the scars and pain that you have suffered? Because those are the things that make you who you are. So the metaphor of wood continues. The concept of aged wood. Wood that has been exposed to the outside elements such as the scorching sun, and long cold winters. This wood has different scars and marks that indicate where it has been, but this wood is absolutely beautiful when you look at it. So the concept to take away is simply that Scars are Beauty.

A couple of days later I got to attend the National Student Leadership Conference at Taylor University. This was more of a scouting trip to see if we should bring students from Geneva in the next couple of years. It was weird to walk around Taylor and see it for myself because my concept of that school was always formed from stories that my friends at camp would tell me about. I caught myself laughing to myself often thinking of crazy things my friends Adam and Nate did and trying to picture them in the place I was at. I was very impressed with Taylor students overall. They were extremely hospitable. The conference was student run and the different types of key-note speakers and workshop speakers that they brought in was very impressive.

My conference tour came to an end this past Wednesday when I returned from Philadelphia. I attended a two part conference. The first part was called The Placement Exchange. This is where virtually every single University and College in America who is hiring for Student Affairs positions comes and interviews potential candidates. I believe there was 3000 candidates there and about 11,000 interviews that were done in the span of 4 days. I personally contributed to that 11,000 with my 11 interviews I had with various institutions (I will update this blog in the next few weeks with where I get on campus interviews and such). The second part of the conference was the actual NASPA (National Association of Student Personnel and Administrators) conference. Even though I was running on fumes by the end of this conference and I'm still paying for it as I type this, it was definitely an amazing conference. My passion for Racial Reconciliation was fed, by various workshops. My anger towards SB1070(Arizona Immigration law) was renewed. My hope for Student Affairs was restored by the numerous amounts of diversity that was represented at the conference. It was so awesome to see so many different types of faces there.

Colorblindness

The concept of being colorblind(in terms of race) has come up several times over the last few weeks whether in discussion or in books that I am reading. I have to say my feelings towards this concept has changed dramatically since I was an 18 year old at Gordon. I think back then and how I wanted to assimilate and not shake up the majority culture, so the concept of colorblindness was welcomed. When people would tell me, "Hey man, I don't see you as Asian or a minority I see you as my brother Christ" I would answer, and sincerely say, "thank you". I didn't realize that 'yes I do want you to accept me as a brother in Christ and for what's inside of me, and not how I look on the outside', but what is on the outside also defines who I am as well.

For one to be colorblind would be to deny my culture, my heritage and those who have come before me. It denies the culture that my Mother and Father raised me in, and their parents and the parents before them. It denies the trek that my Mother and Father made from Korea and the sacrifices they made working their butts off to provide the best for me. It denies the racism and hate that they went through because they looked different or because they didn't understand English that well. I know this sounds extreme, but it's the truth. I guess you could look at it as someone denying your last name. If they would only recognize your first name. How would that make you feel?
Other: You're name is Scott isn't it?
Me: Yes it is, but I also have a last name as well.
Other: Well that's not important, because you're Scott.
Me: That's true, but there are also a thousand other Scott's. My last name Hwang has a long line of heritage and history behind it.
Other: That's great but I just see you as Scott, so don't worry about it.

I get the reasoning behind colorblindness. It's a way of saying, hey I'm not judging you for the color of your skin, but if you don't see and recognize the differences in people, then there is no way you can fully respect that person for who they are. No person can control what ethnicity they are, you are what you are. You can spend a lifetime ignoring it and denying it or you can try to embrace the way God created you to be. There are two sides to this sword because ethnocentrism can be just as hurtful to people, but that topic is for another post.

Colorblindness is a step in the right direction, but it's not enough. Racial Reconciliation is tricky and hard, and it can't be that simple, which is why colorblindness fails. It's too simple. So yes, I want you to see me as human and respect me for who I am and not how I look, but once you get to know me, you'll know that I am Korean, I am Asian American, and I'm no ashamed of it.

Still have a lifetime of learning ahead of me

It's amazing how after 20 plus years of living on this earth almost 30 (sigh), I still don't fully get my parents. There are cultural norms and traditions that are instilled when we're born and a lifetime of habits good/bad that we develop in our own way that are caused by our environment, surrounding culture, and family tradition. I think it's amazing that I have been able to function in so many different settings over the last 10 years, West Coast, East Coast, South, Midwest...I'm surprised nobody has punched me in the face because of all the different customs, traditions and rituals each place has to offer.

All of this to say...I'll never know it all and life is all about continuous learning. I honestly believe if you stop learning you might as well stop living. Knowledge is powerful, but it should never be used to make you feel above someone else, because each person has their own individual beliefs, and own understanding of how the world works. Who am I to say that my view is better than yours and my understanding of life is better than yours. Knowledge is about access, and if I have been privileged and blessed to gain it, how can I keep that against someone who hasn't had as easy a route?

This needs to be done in a delicate gray area of love. Love is complicated because it can be as soft and tender as an innocent newborn baby, but as sharp and stern as a father disciplining his son out of love. How do you balance when to give grace and not to give grace? If you give too much you're a pushover and people will walk all over you. If you don't give any at all you're a legalistic hard ass who no one likes. Life is constantly in the gray....there is no one right way to do things, but at the same time there are several wrong ways to do things as well. Awesome huh? I guess the cool thing about it all is that it allows God to give us a very unique individual experience in which we get to experience hardship, pain, and suffering, but also joy, laughter and most importantly LOVE.

Live, Learn, Love

Christmas

Here are all my beautiful little cousins. I wish I could see them more than once a year...

A WOOAH Moment...

A few weeks ago I met with one of my professors to discuss a book I've been reading for an independent study. As I'm taking in this conversation and processing it I had one of those....oh my goodness how did I get where I am today moments? We were talking about my experiences growing up and my experiences at 3 different Christian Colleges and I took a step back and was like..."wow God has had a crazy unique plan for me and he still's going."

I think what triggered this was when I was walking back to my apartment I passed a parked car with an Alhambra license plate cover and it was covered in snow. Alhambra is the town right next to my home town in Southern California, where it NEVER snows, and I started laughing....why the heck is this person in Beaver Falls, PA and how the heck did I end up here? It's funny to think that God uses little things like that to trigger emotions and times of reflection. I reflect quite a bit because it humbles me and puts me in my place. I think about all the twists and turns and "little" decisions like going to Gordon or working at Summer's Best and how those ended up being HUGE decisions that were integral in bringing me to where I am today, and how God is sovereign. How His plans are so much more grandiose and complex then I could ever imagine.

As I sit in my office reflecting back I am visualizing a bouncy ball just bouncing from one place to another going wherever the momentum takes it, and the ball is ready to take a huge leap to the next stage in life....

I just came out of a Diversity Task Force meeting and things got pretty heated. Diversity is sticky, and a mess, but deep down I have to believe it is right. To treat all with equality and respect a person's opinions and feelings....to love as Jesus did. Marvin Gaye's song "What's going on?" sums up the perspective of many civil rights activists, Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela.....love conquers hate always.

What's Going on? By Marvin Gaye

Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya

Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Ah, what's going on

In the mean time
Right on, baby
Right on
Right on

Father, father, everybody thinks we're wrong
Oh, but who are they to judge us
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today
Oh

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me
So you can see
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Tell me what's going on
I'll tell you what's going on - Uh
Right on baby
Right on baby