A deep breath and peace

So I realize that my last entry was a little extreme. To those of you who follow my blog and have no idea what's going on, I apologize, I tend to get a little dramatic at times. I'm fine. Call me if you're really that curious. This past Sunday I flew out to LA for a little vacation at home. On Monday I got the great opportunity to sleep in my own bed at home and to sleep in. I ate lunch with my Mom and Dad and then I got to go to my favorite coffee shop, Buster's in South Pas.

Flashback....I don't know what it is about Buster's, but I think a lot of the nostalgia I have for it has a lot to do with that they offer some sweet alternatives to coffee. As a Junior High kid I didn't care for coffee, but at Buster's I had plenty of choices between Lime Rickey's, Italian Soda's and Root Beer/ Sherbert Freeze's. As a kid in Junior High, it was sweet to go to a place like Buster's on a hot day(in SoCal almost everyday is hot) and get a Flavored Ricky. We all know that Junior High sucked, it did for me at least, so Buster's became an escape for me. I felt like a grown up there, because I spent money that I had saved up, and I could just rest and relax there without having to see other kids from school or deal with my parents.

All of the previous thoughts kind of hit me on Monday as I sat upstairs in Buster's with a cup of coffee (yes I drink coffee now) and I got to journal about what's going on in my life. Do you ever have those moments where everything is good? You really can't stress about anything because it's all kind of behind you. For instance, on Monday, I was in home in South Pasadena at Buster's with no schedule, no homework for grad school, no incident reports to write, no duty phone to cover, no meeting to attend, no real responsibility and nothing to stress about. I feel like those times of peace are little sliver's of what heaven is like. Everything is "right" (In heaven everything is right...no quotation marks, but on earth there is always something wrong even if it doesn't affect us as individuals), and God just kind of shine's his love and peace on you. I thought to myself, "God love's me, and I can't complain..."

This peace has subsided of course as the week has passed.. I continue to realize I can only take so much time with my parents...I love them to death, but there is a reason why I live across the country still. I am excited to get back to Pennsylvania because that means I get to be back at Summer's Best. I don't know if I have said this on my blog, but camp is a very special place for me. I have grown so much there in all aspects, physically, mentally, spiritually...and I get a second shot at being back there again (Most people don't get the summer's off to work at camp). Hopefully I'll get to post throughout the summer about it.

That's all I got.

dang...

I am very tired mentally, physically, and emotionally. Those of you close to me know that I have been dealing with some stuff. The song "Kindness" by Chris Tomlin has been ringing through my head lately. The chorus ends with the line "Your love, Your love, Is better than life". I know this line is SO true, but it is SO hard to really believe it sometimes. I know from my experience that God has a plan for my life and he knows what is best. Why is it so hard to realize that? How come I always convince myself that I know what is best for me? I was trying to drill in my head, that I need to trust the Lord in all of this and that he has a plan, sometimes it's not enough to pound it into your head....it still sucks. Life is still hard sometimes. I often watch the movie "Swingers" when I get down and these 2 conversations (Censored) between Mikey and his buddy Rob kind of sums up how I feel...kind of.

Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.

and this conversation...

Rob: You don't look at the things that you have, you only look at the stuff that you don't have. Those guys are right about you - you're money.
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left. she's got her own life to deal with, man, and that's in New York... alright? And she's a sweet girl, and I love her to pieces, but f- her, man. You gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past. And Mikey, when you do, I'm telling you: the future is beautiful, alright? Look out the window. It's sunny every day here. It's like manifest destiny. Don't tell me we didn't make it. We made it! We are here. And everything that is past is prologued to this. All of the shiz that didn't kill us is only - you know, all that shiz. You're gonna get over it.
Mike: How did you get over it? I mean, how long did it take?
Rob: Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It's like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda wierd, but it's like, it's like you almost miss that pain.
Mike: You miss the pain?
Rob: Yeah, for the same reason that you missed her... because you lived with it for so long.

It's been a while

So a lot has happened since my last entry. Over Easter Break I got to go up to Boston to see a bunch of college friends. Here are some pictures from the visit.


I don't know why I have that look on my face...maybe it was the smell of the ocean because I haven't seen it in so long...


We somehow got into jumping pictures...this one was pretty sweet.


Another jumper...kind of. That's my Baryshnikov impersonation.

The visit was really good. There is something about being face to face with friends that makes things so much better. I had some great conversations with friends and really got to spend some quality time with people that I love and miss so much.

This past Tuesday I went to my first Sox game in a couple of years. I had a good streak going for a while. Last year was the first time I did not get to see the Sox play live for first time in 8 years. So after a long year without the Sox live I got to see them play the Indians at the Jake (Sadly now Progressive Field). Unfortunately the Sox lost because of a couple of errors, but I still had a good time. Here are a couple of pictures.



Me and one of my students Tom. He was really excited...obviously.


We had pretty good seats. If this was at Fenway, I would have had to cut my left hand to sit this close.

The school year is slowly coming to an end. As I look back on the year, it has been a really good one. There have definitely been some tough moments, and I am SO ready for this Academic year to come to a close. But the good times definitely outweigh the bad. I think if the bad outweighed the good it would be time to change what I was doing.

Up next is a quick trip home to LA to get some rest and relaxation before I jump into camp. I don't know how much blogging I'll get to do over the summer. Sorry to dissapoint all 3 of you that actually read this blog...but until the next time.