Still have a lifetime of learning ahead of me

It's amazing how after 20 plus years of living on this earth almost 30 (sigh), I still don't fully get my parents. There are cultural norms and traditions that are instilled when we're born and a lifetime of habits good/bad that we develop in our own way that are caused by our environment, surrounding culture, and family tradition. I think it's amazing that I have been able to function in so many different settings over the last 10 years, West Coast, East Coast, South, Midwest...I'm surprised nobody has punched me in the face because of all the different customs, traditions and rituals each place has to offer.

All of this to say...I'll never know it all and life is all about continuous learning. I honestly believe if you stop learning you might as well stop living. Knowledge is powerful, but it should never be used to make you feel above someone else, because each person has their own individual beliefs, and own understanding of how the world works. Who am I to say that my view is better than yours and my understanding of life is better than yours. Knowledge is about access, and if I have been privileged and blessed to gain it, how can I keep that against someone who hasn't had as easy a route?

This needs to be done in a delicate gray area of love. Love is complicated because it can be as soft and tender as an innocent newborn baby, but as sharp and stern as a father disciplining his son out of love. How do you balance when to give grace and not to give grace? If you give too much you're a pushover and people will walk all over you. If you don't give any at all you're a legalistic hard ass who no one likes. Life is constantly in the gray....there is no one right way to do things, but at the same time there are several wrong ways to do things as well. Awesome huh? I guess the cool thing about it all is that it allows God to give us a very unique individual experience in which we get to experience hardship, pain, and suffering, but also joy, laughter and most importantly LOVE.

Live, Learn, Love

Christmas

Here are all my beautiful little cousins. I wish I could see them more than once a year...

A WOOAH Moment...

A few weeks ago I met with one of my professors to discuss a book I've been reading for an independent study. As I'm taking in this conversation and processing it I had one of those....oh my goodness how did I get where I am today moments? We were talking about my experiences growing up and my experiences at 3 different Christian Colleges and I took a step back and was like..."wow God has had a crazy unique plan for me and he still's going."

I think what triggered this was when I was walking back to my apartment I passed a parked car with an Alhambra license plate cover and it was covered in snow. Alhambra is the town right next to my home town in Southern California, where it NEVER snows, and I started laughing....why the heck is this person in Beaver Falls, PA and how the heck did I end up here? It's funny to think that God uses little things like that to trigger emotions and times of reflection. I reflect quite a bit because it humbles me and puts me in my place. I think about all the twists and turns and "little" decisions like going to Gordon or working at Summer's Best and how those ended up being HUGE decisions that were integral in bringing me to where I am today, and how God is sovereign. How His plans are so much more grandiose and complex then I could ever imagine.

As I sit in my office reflecting back I am visualizing a bouncy ball just bouncing from one place to another going wherever the momentum takes it, and the ball is ready to take a huge leap to the next stage in life....

I just came out of a Diversity Task Force meeting and things got pretty heated. Diversity is sticky, and a mess, but deep down I have to believe it is right. To treat all with equality and respect a person's opinions and feelings....to love as Jesus did. Marvin Gaye's song "What's going on?" sums up the perspective of many civil rights activists, Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela.....love conquers hate always.

What's Going on? By Marvin Gaye

Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya

Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Ah, what's going on

In the mean time
Right on, baby
Right on
Right on

Father, father, everybody thinks we're wrong
Oh, but who are they to judge us
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today
Oh

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me
So you can see
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Tell me what's going on
I'll tell you what's going on - Uh
Right on baby
Right on baby

When God Says "No"

My head pastor was away this weekend so he decided to show us a sermon by Andy Stanley. If you have 20 minutes I highly recommend that you check it out...here you go. Andy Stanley: What can you expect from God?


Stanley talks about "When God says No"....he gives an interesting example: What we want from God usually means that we want to be God and have everything go "Right" for ourselves. If this is how God operated then he would be in a rock and hard place because if I got what I wanted all the time, that means someone else would not get what they wanted, for example if I applied for a job and prayed that I would get it and someone else prayed the same thing, who would get the job if we all got what we wanted? God's plans are so much bigger then getting what we want, it's a huge complex intertwining of interactions, stories and experiences.

The Apostle Paul author of 2 Corinthians is struggling with some physical ailment and pleas
with God on 3 separate occasions that God would remove this physical ailment from him because it is so discouraging to him. What we eventually find out is that God uses this ailment as a way to keep Paul accountable so that he can never take pride in the work that God does through him and that no one can doubt that the works done through Paul is only done because of God. "But my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Cor 12:9

This verse that I have heard so many times made so much more sense and was very encouraging as Stanley points out because Paul one of the most zealous people for God, still struggled to see God's plan in his weakness. I then began to reflect on my life and the times that God has told me "no" and how often he has said "yes" and how all of these things have molded and shaped me to who I am today. God said "yes" to healing my mother of cancer last spring....praise the Lord. God said "yes" for me to attend Grad School at Geneva even though my undergraduate grades should not have allowed me to. God said "yes" for me to get into Gordon which I should not have been able to get in with my High School grades (yes there is trend with academics here, not on purpose).

On the contrary God has said "no" to several relationships with girls that I wanted to date, and God has said "no" to several different job opportunities, but I can reflect back on these no's and yes' and see Gods plan and how great it has been. God is sovereign and He's going to do what He wants, in order to shape me and mold me to what He wants me to be. Many times we will not understand His no's and we might not ever find out until we pass on to Heaven, but that is what blind faith is all about. Why would we ever wish heartache, pain and disappointment on ourselves? We wouldn't because we're selfish, fallen beings...but God uses those things so that we can be better people of God and serve Him and His kingdom better.

A Mirror is Harder to Hold by Jon Foreman

You could stay a while longer
We could stay up and talk about last summer
We could go down to the water
Watch the sunset going under
It's not that I'm a stranger to lonely moments
I've had my share of those
Please don't go
Please don't leave me alone
A mirror is so much harder to hold

I could try and point the finger
But the glass points in my direction
Sure you've got your sharp edges
But my wounds are for my own reflection
You've got nothing I could ever hold against you
I've got fatal flaws to call my own
Please don't go
Please don't leave me alone
A mirror is so much harder to hold

I met a man who's looking for perfection
Said he'd never met a girl who's good enough
His eyes are getting old like they'd love to love again
Such a lonely man
Such a lonely man

I see him in my reflection
Taking steps towards me these days
So I hold you that much closer
And pray we don't throw this away
It's not that I'm a man who couldn't love you
I know what these arms are for
Please don't go
Please don't leave me alone
A mirror is so much harder to hold
A mirror is so much harder to hold
Please don't go
Please don't leave me cold
A mirror is so much harder to hold

My Love, My Enemy by Dave Barnes

What do you say?

Let's give it up now and just be done
Maybe we're afraid
Of all that we will and won't become

It's hard to believe
The one closest to me
Can feel so far away

You're my pleasure, you're my pain
You're my sunshine, you're my rain
You're my darkest night lost at sea

You're the shadows, you're my light
You're the one that I need tonight
You are a stranger still to me
You're my lady, my life, my love, my enemy

Every day
We come together or come undone
Every time I break
Tell me again how far we've come

It's hard to believe
The one closest to me
Can feel so far away, so far away

You're my pleasure, you're my pain
You're my sunshine, you're my rain
You're my darkest night lost at sea

You're the shadows, you're my light
You're the one that I need tonight
You are a stranger still to me
You're my lady, my life, my love, my enemy

We're changing, it's painful
Into something good
We're changing, it's painful
But it's good

You're my pleasure, you're my pain
You're my sunshine, you're my rain
You're my darkest night lost at sea

You're the shadows, you're my light
You're the one that I need tonight
You are a stranger still to me
You're my lady, my life, my love, my enemy

My love, my enemy
My love, my enemy