"Don't program just to program" I said to the RA's. Trying to plea to them the idea that if you're passionate about being an RA and what you do, you won't look at programs as a task to check off but something that you desire to do because it will help fulfill your passion. It then hit me personally...how often do I do things because I have to or just to check them off? I love building relationships with students. How many of my requirements in my job are to enable me to build relationships? Doesn't studying make me a more knowledgeble and a well rounded RD? Doesn't putting on hall programs allow me to spend time with students in my building? I then thought about how I need to apply this thought process into my whole life.
My passion for God...
Shouldn't I want to read scripture so I can know him better? I have always struggled with reading scripture and felt guilty because as a Christian I should read the bible everyday. I was looking at this virtue and pulling it down into a worldly level, as a task I needed to do, and often failed to do. I always heard about others and their challenge to desire to want to know God more, and how reading scripture was something you should want to do. I always balked at that idea, why would I desire to do something that I can't make a priority.
This reminds me of a scene in the movie "The Breakup"
Brooke and Gary get into a fight after hosting a dinner for Brooke's family. Gary immediately goes to the living room to play video games after the guests leave. Brooke get's frustrated with Gary because she just cooked a meal and there are dishes piled up in the kitchen. (Gary is somewhat justified for just wanting to relax because he came from a long hard day at work...)
The fight escalates and Gary reluctantly says something like, "ok, ok, I'll do the damn dishes." Brooke then says, "I don't want you to just do the dishes I want you to want to clean the dishes."
Then Gary yells..."Why I would I ever WANT to clean the dishes?"
It's true...why would anyone ever want to do the dishes? But at the same time, if you love someone and know how hard they have worked, you should desire to help them and serve them in any way possible....i.e. to want to clean the dishes. Gary eventually learns this lesson, after he loses Brooke and tells her "It's not about doing the things you love, it's about doing things with the one you love! "
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Camp....loved it
So I've been back from camp for about 2 weeks. I started RD training and have been trying to recover physically from a long, tiring, but awesome summer. This summer was a special one because it was my first time back since 2005. I think the craziest and sweetest part about being back was seeing old campers that I worked with now serving on Leadership, as Kitchen Crew Disciplers and Counselors. It was also kind of nice to have some structure to my day. Yes, you might think I'm crazy, but it was nice to get into the habit of getting up at 7 everyday. The days are long at camp, but they fly, just like the weeks, and the months. All of sudden I was done at camp again, and I didn't even realize it.
3rd term was a special one because my parents came out and served. My mom was the camp nurse and my Dad helped out with grounds for 2 weeks. Although it was a really rough start for my Dad, I am really thankful and grateful that they got to experience camp. It's so difficult to explain what happens there, so a lot people assume it's some type of cult (not joking), but for my parents to experience competions betweens Romans and Galatians, Summer Life Nights, Surprise Night, the Wrestling Meet etc...was priceless. They definitely saw that God was working at camp through the counselors and the campers and they saw that I wasn't wasting my summers when I was in college.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
By Your Side by Tenth Ave North
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
Thursday, May 21, 2009
A deep breath and peace
So I realize that my last entry was a little extreme. To those of you who follow my blog and have no idea what's going on, I apologize, I tend to get a little dramatic at times. I'm fine. Call me if you're really that curious. This past Sunday I flew out to LA for a little vacation at home. On Monday I got the great opportunity to sleep in my own bed at home and to sleep in. I ate lunch with my Mom and Dad and then I got to go to my favorite coffee shop, Buster's in South Pas.
Flashback....I don't know what it is about Buster's, but I think a lot of the nostalgia I have for it has a lot to do with that they offer some sweet alternatives to coffee. As a Junior High kid I didn't care for coffee, but at Buster's I had plenty of choices between Lime Rickey's, Italian Soda's and Root Beer/ Sherbert Freeze's. As a kid in Junior High, it was sweet to go to a place like Buster's on a hot day(in SoCal almost everyday is hot) and get a Flavored Ricky. We all know that Junior High sucked, it did for me at least, so Buster's became an escape for me. I felt like a grown up there, because I spent money that I had saved up, and I could just rest and relax there without having to see other kids from school or deal with my parents.
All of the previous thoughts kind of hit me on Monday as I sat upstairs in Buster's with a cup of coffee (yes I drink coffee now) and I got to journal about what's going on in my life. Do you ever have those moments where everything is good? You really can't stress about anything because it's all kind of behind you. For instance, on Monday, I was in home in South Pasadena at Buster's with no schedule, no homework for grad school, no incident reports to write, no duty phone to cover, no meeting to attend, no real responsibility and nothing to stress about. I feel like those times of peace are little sliver's of what heaven is like. Everything is "right" (In heaven everything is right...no quotation marks, but on earth there is always something wrong even if it doesn't affect us as individuals), and God just kind of shine's his love and peace on you. I thought to myself, "God love's me, and I can't complain..."
This peace has subsided of course as the week has passed.. I continue to realize I can only take so much time with my parents...I love them to death, but there is a reason why I live across the country still. I am excited to get back to Pennsylvania because that means I get to be back at Summer's Best. I don't know if I have said this on my blog, but camp is a very special place for me. I have grown so much there in all aspects, physically, mentally, spiritually...and I get a second shot at being back there again (Most people don't get the summer's off to work at camp). Hopefully I'll get to post throughout the summer about it.
That's all I got.
Flashback....I don't know what it is about Buster's, but I think a lot of the nostalgia I have for it has a lot to do with that they offer some sweet alternatives to coffee. As a Junior High kid I didn't care for coffee, but at Buster's I had plenty of choices between Lime Rickey's, Italian Soda's and Root Beer/ Sherbert Freeze's. As a kid in Junior High, it was sweet to go to a place like Buster's on a hot day(in SoCal almost everyday is hot) and get a Flavored Ricky. We all know that Junior High sucked, it did for me at least, so Buster's became an escape for me. I felt like a grown up there, because I spent money that I had saved up, and I could just rest and relax there without having to see other kids from school or deal with my parents.
All of the previous thoughts kind of hit me on Monday as I sat upstairs in Buster's with a cup of coffee (yes I drink coffee now) and I got to journal about what's going on in my life. Do you ever have those moments where everything is good? You really can't stress about anything because it's all kind of behind you. For instance, on Monday, I was in home in South Pasadena at Buster's with no schedule, no homework for grad school, no incident reports to write, no duty phone to cover, no meeting to attend, no real responsibility and nothing to stress about. I feel like those times of peace are little sliver's of what heaven is like. Everything is "right" (In heaven everything is right...no quotation marks, but on earth there is always something wrong even if it doesn't affect us as individuals), and God just kind of shine's his love and peace on you. I thought to myself, "God love's me, and I can't complain..."
This peace has subsided of course as the week has passed.. I continue to realize I can only take so much time with my parents...I love them to death, but there is a reason why I live across the country still. I am excited to get back to Pennsylvania because that means I get to be back at Summer's Best. I don't know if I have said this on my blog, but camp is a very special place for me. I have grown so much there in all aspects, physically, mentally, spiritually...and I get a second shot at being back there again (Most people don't get the summer's off to work at camp). Hopefully I'll get to post throughout the summer about it.
That's all I got.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
dang...
I am very tired mentally, physically, and emotionally. Those of you close to me know that I have been dealing with some stuff. The song "Kindness" by Chris Tomlin has been ringing through my head lately. The chorus ends with the line "Your love, Your love, Is better than life". I know this line is SO true, but it is SO hard to really believe it sometimes. I know from my experience that God has a plan for my life and he knows what is best. Why is it so hard to realize that? How come I always convince myself that I know what is best for me? I was trying to drill in my head, that I need to trust the Lord in all of this and that he has a plan, sometimes it's not enough to pound it into your head....it still sucks. Life is still hard sometimes. I often watch the movie "Swingers" when I get down and these 2 conversations (Censored) between Mikey and his buddy Rob kind of sums up how I feel...kind of.
Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.
and this conversation...
Rob: You don't look at the things that you have, you only look at the stuff that you don't have. Those guys are right about you - you're money.
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left. she's got her own life to deal with, man, and that's in New York... alright? And she's a sweet girl, and I love her to pieces, but f- her, man. You gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past. And Mikey, when you do, I'm telling you: the future is beautiful, alright? Look out the window. It's sunny every day here. It's like manifest destiny. Don't tell me we didn't make it. We made it! We are here. And everything that is past is prologued to this. All of the shiz that didn't kill us is only - you know, all that shiz. You're gonna get over it.
Mike: How did you get over it? I mean, how long did it take?
Rob: Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It's like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda wierd, but it's like, it's like you almost miss that pain.
Mike: You miss the pain?
Rob: Yeah, for the same reason that you missed her... because you lived with it for so long.
Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.
and this conversation...
Rob: You don't look at the things that you have, you only look at the stuff that you don't have. Those guys are right about you - you're money.
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left. she's got her own life to deal with, man, and that's in New York... alright? And she's a sweet girl, and I love her to pieces, but f- her, man. You gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past. And Mikey, when you do, I'm telling you: the future is beautiful, alright? Look out the window. It's sunny every day here. It's like manifest destiny. Don't tell me we didn't make it. We made it! We are here. And everything that is past is prologued to this. All of the shiz that didn't kill us is only - you know, all that shiz. You're gonna get over it.
Mike: How did you get over it? I mean, how long did it take?
Rob: Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It's like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda wierd, but it's like, it's like you almost miss that pain.
Mike: You miss the pain?
Rob: Yeah, for the same reason that you missed her... because you lived with it for so long.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
It's been a while
So a lot has happened since my last entry. Over Easter Break I got to go up to Boston to see a bunch of college friends. Here are some pictures from the visit.
I don't know why I have that look on my face...maybe it was the smell of the ocean because I haven't seen it in so long...
We somehow got into jumping pictures...this one was pretty sweet.
Another jumper...kind of. That's my Baryshnikov impersonation.
The visit was really good. There is something about being face to face with friends that makes things so much better. I had some great conversations with friends and really got to spend some quality time with people that I love and miss so much.
This past Tuesday I went to my first Sox game in a couple of years. I had a good streak going for a while. Last year was the first time I did not get to see the Sox play live for first time in 8 years. So after a long year without the Sox live I got to see them play the Indians at the Jake (Sadly now Progressive Field). Unfortunately the Sox lost because of a couple of errors, but I still had a good time. Here are a couple of pictures.
Me and one of my students Tom. He was really excited...obviously.
We had pretty good seats. If this was at Fenway, I would have had to cut my left hand to sit this close.
The school year is slowly coming to an end. As I look back on the year, it has been a really good one. There have definitely been some tough moments, and I am SO ready for this Academic year to come to a close. But the good times definitely outweigh the bad. I think if the bad outweighed the good it would be time to change what I was doing.
Up next is a quick trip home to LA to get some rest and relaxation before I jump into camp. I don't know how much blogging I'll get to do over the summer. Sorry to dissapoint all 3 of you that actually read this blog...but until the next time.
I don't know why I have that look on my face...maybe it was the smell of the ocean because I haven't seen it in so long...
We somehow got into jumping pictures...this one was pretty sweet.
Another jumper...kind of. That's my Baryshnikov impersonation.
The visit was really good. There is something about being face to face with friends that makes things so much better. I had some great conversations with friends and really got to spend some quality time with people that I love and miss so much.
This past Tuesday I went to my first Sox game in a couple of years. I had a good streak going for a while. Last year was the first time I did not get to see the Sox play live for first time in 8 years. So after a long year without the Sox live I got to see them play the Indians at the Jake (Sadly now Progressive Field). Unfortunately the Sox lost because of a couple of errors, but I still had a good time. Here are a couple of pictures.
Me and one of my students Tom. He was really excited...obviously.
We had pretty good seats. If this was at Fenway, I would have had to cut my left hand to sit this close.
The school year is slowly coming to an end. As I look back on the year, it has been a really good one. There have definitely been some tough moments, and I am SO ready for this Academic year to come to a close. But the good times definitely outweigh the bad. I think if the bad outweighed the good it would be time to change what I was doing.
Up next is a quick trip home to LA to get some rest and relaxation before I jump into camp. I don't know how much blogging I'll get to do over the summer. Sorry to dissapoint all 3 of you that actually read this blog...but until the next time.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Visting CC
This past weekend I visited Covenant for the first time since I left. It was a very good weekend overall. I got to catch up with students and old co-workers that I have missed dearly. At the same time, I felt confirmation and affirmation that I made the right decision to work at Geneva. As much as I miss the people at Covenant, I realized that Covenant was difficult in certain aspects. Mainly, I didn't have any type of social life outside of my job. I worked very hard and enjoyed building relationships with students, attending activities, plays and sporting events. Outside of those things, I wasn't taking care of myself. I didn't have friends or a social network in the area to help me "get away"...
I have sat here for the last fifteen minutes trying to figure out how to express some of the other difficulties that I experienced. There really is no way to express them without sounding like I was not grateful for my time at Covenant. The fact is I am grateful for my time there. They took a chance on me, and I gained valuable experience. I made lifelong memories, and friends. Like all aspects of life, not everything is perfect, and there were things that were said, and actions that were taken that were not the best, in my opinion.
Like water under the bridge, Covenant has moved on and most importantly I have moved on.
That's what the weekend was about for me. To get some closure, see students and friends that I didn't get to say goodbye to.
I have sat here for the last fifteen minutes trying to figure out how to express some of the other difficulties that I experienced. There really is no way to express them without sounding like I was not grateful for my time at Covenant. The fact is I am grateful for my time there. They took a chance on me, and I gained valuable experience. I made lifelong memories, and friends. Like all aspects of life, not everything is perfect, and there were things that were said, and actions that were taken that were not the best, in my opinion.
Like water under the bridge, Covenant has moved on and most importantly I have moved on.
That's what the weekend was about for me. To get some closure, see students and friends that I didn't get to say goodbye to.
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